Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever felt disconnected, like something is wrong, like you are just not getting it right? I have. And what I am understanding is that each time this happens fear is the underlying reason. Yes FEAR.
For me, fear sets in when I feel disconnected with the oneness, the source, what I call God or Universal Oneness. When I forget that I am one with this source I experience fear followed by doubt and insecurity, which then creates a whole lot of negative chatter in my head and before you know it I have created a story or a scene of illusion. Oh, and then I usually go for the chocolate in quantities beyond the Swiss norm! And just in case that doesn’t work I will find some cookies or some other wonderfully sweet comfort food to help me lick the wounds of my illusion.
And then what happens, I get upset with myself for eating all that chocolate and or cookies and then begin to criticize myself. Before you know it, I am in one hell of a rotten mood and don’t have anything nice to say about anyone or anything.
And then the victim arrives, usually the person whom I love the most. Get ready because here it comes – PROJECTION! Oh yes, that lovely event! This is where I usually start projecting my fears onto my beloved by telling them they are doing this and that which is not making me happy and blah blah blah.
Has this ever happened to you? And then, before you know it, you are now in a full blown argument with your beloved and you ask yourself, how did that happen? What are we arguing about? And why?
It’s happened to me so many times that I now have a very clear understanding of it. I experience it like this. When I forget that I am one with the universe, that I am one with God and everyone around me, I invite fear and doubt into my energy field. I forget that there is nothing to fear or doubt because all is perfect just the way it is and I am one with the divine. I forget that my life is a series of wonderful experiences allowing me to expand and radiate my oneness, my divinity. It is when I forget this that all HELL breaks loose!
As this just happened to me again recently, I look back and ask myself, at what moment did I forget my oneness? Here is what I came up with.
Probably just like you I have a routine of getting up every morning and getting ready for my day. I don’t know about you but I have a spiritual practice as part of my morning routine where I sit quietly and allow myself to embrace my oneness with the divine, God, universal source, whatever you wish to call it. I embrace this oneness and allow myself to accept that I am one with it and that everything within me is perfect, whole and complete just as it is, that I trust in the process of life and that all is well. And a few others things . . . This practice keeps me centered and allows me to trust, have faith in all things, all experiences, all people.
What happened to me was school vacation and a disruption in my daily practice. I forgot to connect with source as I was now being wakened by two beautiful beings jumping in my bed wanting to snuggle and laugh and talk about what we were going to do for the day. This was beautiful of course and I am so grateful that at their age they are still doing this!
However, by the 4th day I could see that I was getting a little uptight in our daily activities and that my reactions where a bit stronger than usual and coming more rapidly. My son wanted to stretch his adolescent stage and I had to trust in him a little more than I was ready for and realized that I began to project my fears on him, subtly but nonetheless it was projection and I became aware of it. Luckily we were able to speak about it later and I could explain my own fears to him as a mother.
But that was not the biggest event that took place in my disconnection, my forgetting that I was one with God. By the end of 10 days, I was really feeling bad about myself, insecure, not loved, and just downright miserable. I totally projected my bad mood onto others blaming them for me feeling the way I was. I was not totally aware that I was doing this until I was invited to look within myself about how I was feeling.
So, I did exactly that. I sat with myself in meditation and had my conversation with God as I usually do every morning. What I realized is that there were some life changes happening for me that I was fearful about. I was not consciously aware that I was fearful, why, because I had not taken the time to ask myself – how are you feeling? Dah, as simple as that. When I did, I realized just how much was on my plate and how much I was transitioning and that I did in fact feel scared.
But here is the wonderful part. As I was connected to source discussing my fear I finished with trust and faith. I was bathed with it in fact. I knew that I was divinely guided and that there was nothing to fear. I also know that falling off my daily spiritual practice does not create a happy radiant Kamy.
Moral of the story, it is okay to feel fear and even necessary. David Ault so beautiful said in a recent sermon “Fear will never go away as long as we continue to grow.” What isn’t okay is to smother it and project it on to others.
I leave you with this call to action. The next time you are blaming someone for something – stop – and go to a quiet space and have a conversation with God. Ask yourself, how am I feeling and why. Give yourself the opportunity to grow. Feel the fear and do what it is that brings up the fear anyway. It is by doing that which we feel fearful of that we overcome the fear. By doing so you are saying YES to life, YES to growth, YES to expansion, YES to yourself. The more you do this the more you will have faced the unknown and become comfortable with it!
Here is what my morning spiritual practice would sound like:
There is one universal intelligence, one source of divine love being poured down on me. As I connect with this source and allow myself to accept and embrace it, I am filled with its love, with its divine intelligence. It radiates within me and through me to those around me. I am filled with gratitude as this source allows me the understanding that everything I need to know is deep within me and that everything I need is already provided for me. I am free of fear and doubt as I know that there is nothing to fear or doubt, only experiences to help me remember who I am as my consciousness is awakened. I am filled with peace and contentment as I allow myself to unfold every day in every way into my magnificent self, my authentic self, my God self. The Universe supports me on this journey by providing all the people, places and things I need to encounter to make this happen. I am truly a blessing to this world. I know this to be true for myself and for all those who read this as I lovingly release this into source and let it go. And so it is. . .